Warning: A Rambling Lunatic Wrote This Entry

Seriously…is it Friday yet? Let me tell you, this has been a week! For some reason, work has been extremely stressful this week and home has been busy – so I feel like I am spinning my wheels but not getting anywhere! I know that you all have been there before too! Can I get an Amen?!?! LOL

((Insert girl squeal here)) We are having our “Cousin’s Slumber Party” next Friday night and I simply can’t wait! The Ohio Cousins need to talk about the driving situation, but I am so excited! I need a little get-away! ((Insert girl squeal here))

My kids crack me up….I have been thinking about this today and I just keep giggling about it. The school is doing a fundraiser and for some reason, Isaac and Faith decided that they would only return one form and then share the prizes that they get. Not sure what made them decide to do this because I never even mentioned it, but fine by me! So, yesterday I asked Isaac which of them would actually return the form in their name and he said… “Well, we had a drawing and Faith Anne won, so I put her name on it.” So stinking funny. There is no doubt in my mind that he literally wrote his name down and then Faith’s name down and pulled a name out of a hat. I was at Bible Study when this transpired, but it cracked me up!

So, I have had a couple of melt-downs this week and I just think that the stress of work…well, that I allow the stress of work… to get to me too much. And then trying to be a good mother and a good wife and a good Christian and a good housekeeper and a good….well, you see. The list goes on and on! Again, I know this is something that we all struggle with and I am not alone, but sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel because I just can’t do it all! I really liked that “invisible” post that Mandy put up because that is often how I feel! Sometimes it all just gets to me and then what I don’t like about myself is that I take it out on the people that I love the most. The other day…Monday…was just NOT a good day for work. All around…just not a good day. Well, it happened to be one of the days that I “leave work early” and go get the kids from school and then work from home for a few more hours. Well, Isaac had a club after school and Gracie was at the sitters so it was just me and Faith Anne. I literally just looked at her and started crying because I feel like I am failing her so much. She was happy as a lark cutting and coloring while I was sitting across from her working. But I looked at her and thought….here I am working when I should be spending time with her. UGH. There are times, as a mom who works outside of the home, that I just feel so guilty. Then there are other times that I know I would not be a good stay-at-home mommy….but Satan just knows what buttons to push and how he can help me bash myself. I know I am rambling….so feel free to stop reading. But it just helps to put this out there…ya know? I think that as moms….well, not even that….as women, we will always feel guilty about something. Not cleaning enough, not exercising enough, not being a good enough mom, not being a good enough wife, not being a good enough cook, not spending enough time here or there or anywhere. Anyways….Satan uses those feelings and then piles on inadequacy and insecurity and before you know it, you are feeling worthless. Which is the exact opposite of how God views us and wants us to view ourselves. He treasures us like rare jewels and he treasures our efforts and uses them for His glory. How can I let Satan tear me down over and over and over again? I bet that hurts God’s feelings. Then I begin the questions (or Satan pushes play again) of how can He love me so much…why would He love me so much?

I guess it is good that I realize it is Satan who plants these seeds…but I need to get better at shutting Satan down and not allowing them to grow.

Again, I know I am rambling but it feels good to put this out there. I hope I am not alone with these struggles.

As you can see, God is working on me…..THANK GOODNESS. I have been spending more time in His word and in prayer and in just “being” with Him. Now mind you, I need to spend a lot more time with Him….because it is pretty amazing how much it makes a difference. But when I feel Him working on me is when I feel the guilt and the doubt and the insecurities mount. I wish Satan would just take a hike right on out of my life! HA! Don’t we all?!?!?

Okay….I need to get back on track.

Scott is going to Butler Springs (church camp) this weekend for the Men’s Retreat. He is going with his buddy Jason and our old Minister and friend, Bob. There is a big group of men from our church going. So, I hope they have a good time. I know he has been looking forward to it and so have I, actually. It is so neat to see how God is working in both of us since we have been at our new church. Again, being pushed out of your comfort zone can be a very good thing. So, it is just me and the kiddos this weekend. We are going to go over to Mom and Dad’s house and do a little “Welcome Home” decorating. The kids are so excited to do that…and about them coming home!

Cute idea for mommies of little clutzy girls, like my Gracie. On Tuesday, she fell at the sitters. She didn’t really have any cuts or anything, she just landed funny on her wrist. So, to get her to calm down….normally a bandaid will do, but Tera told her to close her eyes and she painted her wrist with sparkly fingernail polish and told her to open her eyes and then said that it was Princess Dust and the Princess had put it there to make her feel better…..and of course, she did! LOL She was so excited and proud to show it to me when I got there. I thought that was a great idea for future reference!

Well, I have rambled enough for one day. Thanks for loving me in spite of my flaws and rambles!!!